In my previous entry on parenting I focused on the importance of modeling and teaching children patience and self-control. In this one, I will focus on the necessity for parents to challenge their children and allow them to fail. This is very hard for some parents and especially those who look at their children as an extension of themselves, rather than individuals under their supervision.

Children have an innate ability to rise to the occasion, but unfortunately far too few parents ever exploit this ability in their young children. Instead they go out of their way to make excuses for their offspring when they fall short of others. Many parents are so unaware of their child’s ability to understand and adapt, as a toddler, that they get on the roller-coaster of saying “well, he’s only two” which becomes “he’s only three, four, five or six” which eventually turns into frustration in the form of “how come your children are so well-behaved and mine are not?”

These are the parents you see all around town who have to repeatedly tell their child do the same thing you only have to tell your child to do once. These children have learned through experience that their parents lack the will to discipline them and follow through on their threats.

Parents who are overly protective tend to be unaware that they are training their children to be timid and fearful when they are away from them. I see too many parents who try and solve all of their children’s problems, oblivious to the fact that they are cheating them out of valuable, and necessary, learning experiences that will help them grow and become more resilient. Many of these parents think these types of actions show what great parents they are, when in fact their actions are more likely motivated out of selfishness and their own insecurities.

Sometimes parents unconsciously insert themselves into every facet of their children’s lives to either mask loneliness in their marriage or keep their children dependent on them. There’s tremendous security and self-worth in being a helpless persons mommy or daddy; however all the costs are paid by the child. A truly loving, healthy relationship requires a parent to let a child have their space and give them both responsibility and authority over their lives.

Let your children fail and they will learn valuable lessons. As I tell all my clients, who ask me if there is a way they can speed up the process of improving themselves… Yes, fail faster and more often.

You can follow Sam on Twitter: @SuperTaoInc

Posted in The Mind Side Blog