The Power of Personal Rules
Life throws us a mix of opportunities and challenges; navigating it all can often feel overwhelming. As someone who’s spent years advising people on mental performance and personal development, I’ve learned that one of the most effective tools for managing both is deceptively simple: making personal rules.
Personal rules aren’t about rigidly controlling your life; they’re about creating guardrails that protect your energy, values, and well-being. They help you stay true to yourself in a world where even the people closest to you will often test your boundaries.
When used properly, these rules are a powerful way to help you maintain your integrity while safeguarding your peace of mind. If you’re struggling with people-pleasing, I encourage you to take the leap and start making rules and setting boundaries.
Do not think of your rules and boundaries as something that pushes people away; think of them as a way to create the foundation for healthier, more authentic relationships with others and with yourself.
At some point, most of us find ourselves frustrated, drained, or even resentful because we’ve overextended ourselves or allowed others to take advantage of our kindness. Maybe you’ve lent money to a friend and never seen it repaid, or perhaps you’ve worked on a project without a clear agreement and ended up feeling undervalued. These experiences can leave us questioning others’ intentions and feeling resentful.
The truth is, people will test your boundaries, often unintentionally. And if you don’t have personal rules in place, you’re left vulnerable to those tests. Personal rules act as a filter, helping you separate what aligns with your values and priorities from what doesn’t. They aren’t about being selfish; they’re about ensuring you have the energy and focus to give your best to the things and people that truly matter.
One of my favorite rules, which I often recommend to clients, is simple yet transformative: “I don’t lend money to friends or family.” It’s not because I don’t care; it’s because I care too much. Money has a way of complicating relationships, creating unspoken expectations, and, in many cases, leading to disappointment on both sides. By establishing this rule, you’re protecting the relationship and yourself.
Another example is “No work without a contract.” This rule is a game-changer for professionals who often find themselves doing unpaid or underappreciated work. By making it clear from the start that you require a formal agreement, you avoid misunderstandings, resentment, and wasted energy.
These aren’t rules to limit generosity or kindness. In fact, they free you to give more and act from a place of genuine intention rather than obligation. Instead of constantly trying to untangle yourself from overcommitments or misaligned expectations, you focus on what really matters, whether that’s building meaningful relationships, pursuing your passions, or simply finding joy in everyday life.
It’s up to you to take some time to reflect on what personal rules could make your life better. Start small, but please start somewhere. Remember, the goal isn’t to build walls… It’s to create the freedom you need to thrive.
You can follow Sam on Twitter: @SuperTaoInc
