Do You Suffer from a Destination Addiction?
“Life’s all about choices. Everyone’s destination is the same; only the paths are different.” – Sushmita Sen
The term “Destination Addiction” was coined by British psychologist Robert Holden about a decade ago. I’m going to paraphrase his definition here:
It is the belief that you will find happiness in the next place, partner, job, or the future. You are convinced that happiness is somewhere else and it is your pursuit of happiness that forces you to live your life in misery. In short, you live to get through each day rather than enjoy them, because you believe success and happiness are a destination.
I’d love to be able to say that I can’t imagine how horrible it must be to live your life like that, but I can’t, because I did live a portion of my life with those same mistaken beliefs. Living through that time taught me several things: how to be anxious, depressed and have health problems to name a few. If that is what you are looking for, I highly recommend a destination addiction for you.
Thankfully, a destination addiction is curable. The first step is the realization that it is a problem. The next step is developing the desire to change. The final, and most important step, is putting in the necessary effort required to change your mistaken beliefs.
Once you have accomplished those three steps above, I would recommend getting professional help to guide you through changing your mistaken beliefs, if that is feasible for you to do. If it is not, I would suggest that you get a good book based in Cognitive Behavioral Therapy exercises. You may also be able to find many of these exercises on-line including the one used in my book called the TEA form exercise.
Additional useful steps you can take include practicing gratitude for all of the things you have in your life presently. Over time this will train your brain to put more focus on those things than on the things you have not yet acquired or accomplished. The more you learn to enjoy and cherish the things you already have, the less pressure you will feel to get to any destination.
Similarly, it would be a good idea to start putting more of a focus on what you can do and less of a focus on what you can’t do. It’s not the things you cannot yet do that are causing you misery, it’s the way you view those things and overemphasize them that is causing your misery.
Finally, and this is where most people fail… When it comes to putting in the work on all of these things, it is imperative that you still work on yourself on the days when you feel good or great. Most people will put some work in on themselves when they are struggling, but the only progress that lasts is made when you are reinforcing all of these things on the days you feel you no longer need them. Please don’t make this common mistake and undercut your progress!
To use a sports analogy… Athletes don’t stop practicing after they sign their first professional contract. You have to do the work daily, whether you feel good or bad, if you want it to live the life you are capable of living and experience more joy in your life.
“One’s destination is never a place but rather a new way of looking at things.” – Henry Miller
You can follow Sam on Twitter @SuperTaoInc
