I am writing this today with a bit of a heavy heart. We all have proverbial Achilles’ heels in our lives that we struggle with and I am facing one of mine today as I learned that an old friend passed away at the far too young age of 42. I take pride in my ability to deal with whatever comes my way, but I have never been especially good at dealing with death. Maybe it’s because my first real experience with death came at a young age when my mother passed away? Whatever the reason, it does not matter, as life is about learning, applying and adapting new skills and that’s what this sad event will help me do.

Normally I encourage people to immerse themselves in their challenges and face them head-on, so they can gain the experience necessary to work through them. If you have a fear of elevators, it is easy to expose yourself to riding elevators and learn the skills necessary to overcome that fear. If you are afraid of public speaking, you can similarly make it a point to speak in front of people until you gain confidence. However, if you have a hard time dealing with the death of people you care about, it is (thankfully) not easy to immerse yourself in that and begin to gain those new skills.

I always preach about the importance of acknowledging your fears and facing them head on. One way to do this is by learning to live in the moment and learning from all of the things you experience whether positive or negative. I can’t change the fact that he died, but I do have complete control over my response to his death. That’s why I am using it for my, and hopefully others, benefit here today.

I am reminded today of the importance of telling the people that are meaningful to you, how much of an impact they had on you, before they die. My relationship with Chester was more jocular than close, but that does not mean he did not have a strong effect on me. Chester and I met early in his professional career and we used to play basketball together regularly.

Chester attended Clemson University, the same university as a player named William Perry who became known as “the refrigerator” (for his size) when he played for the Chicago Bears. I always called Chester “the real refrigerator” because he looked like a refrigerator with a head, arms and legs attached. He was as solid as a refrigerator from head to toe, and did not have a big gut like William Perry did.

I find it ironic that I was in the locker room of the same gym that I used to hoop with Chester in when I heard the sad news. It seems like time stood still as I remembered how he would come barreling down the court like a point guard and drive the lane before dishing off a perfect pass to me or someone else for a layup. I had rarely seen guys that were half his size, handle the ball like a magician the way Chester could. We all marveled at this gentle giant’s nimbleness on the court.

Chester was different than most pro athletes I’ve known. He was a big country boy at heart, but also a little kid in a man’s body. I don’t think I ever saw Chester lose his temper (and if you have ever played pick-up basketball you know what an amazing feat that is). He had a great mindset in that he always accepted the way things were and dealt with them both on and off the court/field. I never saw him fall into the trap of trying to control those around him. He was a hard worker and a generous human being who will be missed by many.

As a good friend of mine said to me when his son died at a young age…. “Hug your kids.” I’ll go one step further and say hug all the people you love and let them know how much they mean to you before they are gone.

You can follow Sam on Twitter @SuperTaoInc

Posted in The Mind Side Blog