Being Referred to As ‘Talented’ Is Demeaning (Part 2)

I teach my clients to take umbrage when anyone calls them talented. It is an insult of the highest order. At best, it devalues all the hard work and effort they have put in to get where they are, and at worst, it is like calling them an underachiever/disappointment.

When I was young I reveled in being called talented, in fact, I wore it as a badge of honor. But as I grew older and failed to fulfill my alleged promise, I resented it whenever someone referred to me as talented. Despite their well meaning, I had learned how destructive that label can become if you are not careful.

Calling someone talented is one of the worst things you can do to anyone, especially a young person. Doing so, often takes away their drive to improve themselves and to do even better. It elevates their worth before they have tasted any meaningful success. It’s akin to Nike signing someone to an endorsement deal just for stating they are going to win a gold medal in the Olympics, rather than waiting until after they accomplish it to sign the deal.

It always fascinates me how people are prone towards wanting to hold onto the notion that they were born to be a champion. I think this comes from the brain’s natural programming of loss aversion. When successful people are told at an early age that they are gifted, they can’t let go of that notion even after all of the hard work they put in to be successful. People like being thought of as ‘the chosen one’ whether it is true or not because it makes them feel/seem ‘special.’

Last year I got into a conversation with Tara Lipinski, the 1998 Olympic Gold medal winning ice skater, who told me she was born with a talent to skate. I told her I was not a big believer in talent. I maintain that people often mistake opportunity combined with love and desire for talent. I went on to speculate that if she and Tiger Woods had exchanged parents at birth that she would still be golfing on the tour and Tiger would now hold her job as an ice skating commentator.

She was totally dismissive of my claim, which is not surprising considering that she would have to re-write her entire self-concept in order to buy into my hypothesis. As I mentioned above, this is also partially a result of loss aversion. Despite the fact that it feels better to earn things than have them given to you, once a label has been bestowed upon you it’s very hard to let go of it.

In my experience, it’s uncommon when the most talented player at a position is starting on a professional team. Usually the starters are the ones who work the hardest and smartest – the ones who ‘get it,’ both physically and mentally.

Like I always say, ‘lust is to love as talent is to success.’

 

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